Motoring in Thailand / in Bangkok

Getting nowhere on Tiwanon Road: Rush hour.

Having had a mostly German driving / cycling background, Thailand offers the most exciting driving / riding environment I can think of. While I lived in Germany, I loved fast computer games. That was the time before I had a Thai driver's license.
Today, I prefer reality: Less police. Regular road kills. More exciting terrain: Driving through water, fire and oil slicks. Any road is subject to either construction or decay and surprises are guaranteed.
Sometimes I ask myself how much longer I will survive, if the support of my guardian angel will last. It's 3.5 years of motoring and mountainbiking in Siam, and I still live to tell.

The Players (more dominant ones first)

Busses: They pretend there is no other traffic and the police seems to understand this.
They like only pedestrians (their passengers).
Trucks: Being slow, they are somewhat in the way of fast vehicles. They respect motorcycles, passing them at a safe distance and thereby frightening small cars and pickups by moving halfway into their lane. Trucks go at steady speed and rarely make surprise-stops or unexpected turns. Many drivers give signs to those behind, when it's safe to pass them.
Pickup trucks: They are the cowboys, second worst group right after motorcycles. Many of them were motorcyclists in an earlier life. Their vehicles can reach considerable speeds and their behaviour is unpredictable. You never know who they care for. Some play tricks on other people. Those who ride on the back may throw things to fend off pursuers.
If a pickup truck shows signs of aggression, stay well away.
Taxies: They drive with one eye on the traffic and another one on potential passengers. They may suddenly pull to the left and stop. They are experts at avoiding accidents, police stops and traffic jams. Many are very skillful drivers. They usually drive defensive, but can change their style quickly. They tend to let fast vehicles pass.
Private small cars: The most civilized vehicles. Drivers are often educated people who respect traffic rules. They are too careful. They care for their own car and everyone else. They even avoid dogs. Beware, the typical Sunday driver or lady driver is in this category.
Tuk-Tuks: These vehicles are now somewhat antiquated. They are noisy, instable and slow. On Bangkok roads, they have become rather well-behaved. Tuk-Tuks can do very tight turns, but they rarely pull onto the road without making sure it's safe. The drivers are good at ripping off tourists.
Motorcycles: This group has the most aggressive riders. Some take any risk to be faster, they don't care for others. Their speed can be so high, that it's safe for them to assume the rest of the traffic is standing still and they can go zig-zag between other vehicles. If you hear a fast motorcycle approaching, the safest thing is to freeze. Most motorcyclists are unbelievably skillful, which is the reason why they are still alive. There are a lot of moderate motorcyclists too, but it's better to be prepared for the extreme ones.
Motorcycles are the noisiest vehicles. You will learn to hate them when your bedroom is near a road.
Bicycles: Their riders have the lowest education and are hated by everyone. Often they don't seriously take part in the traffic, but play on the road putting themselves and others at risk. The vehicles are mostly in a sad state of maintenance. If you hit one, don't feel guilty. - Don't agree ? Follow this link to the other side.
Pedestrians: Excellent relationship with dogs. Pedestrians don't really take part in traffic, they dwell on the sidewalk and wait to get on some sort of motorized transport. They are most popular amongst taxi and bus drivers.
Dogs: If the time is right, dogs chase anything that's moving faster than a pedestrian. Their most popular targets are bicycles and motorcycles. They are loved and fed by pedestrians and occassionally killed by cars and pickups.

Inofficial Dos and Don'ts for Motorists

Never be nice to someone. Behind the wheel, you're at war. Let someone pass and he will slam his brake right in front of you.
Never expect that someone is nice to you: You're driving in the fast lane, tailgating another car. Suddenly, the one ahead of you moves left. "How nice, he lets me pass", you think while you accelerate to hit another car that has stopped on your lane for a U-turn.
Expect that drivers signal course changes very late or never: The guy to your right and 10 meters ahead of you will signal his intention to turn left not before he's already cutting across you.
Never let someone know about your intentions: You want to switch lanes ? If you indicate this early enough, someone from behind will quickly speed up and prevent this. Just do it, and while you're half-way into your target lane (so that none else can take it), show the turn signal for a few seconds - a sign of good will to any policeman who might be watching.
Know who is stronger than you and be prepared to yield. Even in the presence of traffic police, there is no guarantee that drivers stick to the official rules.
Do not trust traffic lights, road signs, markings on the road. They could be pure decoration.
When people give you signs, do not blindly trust them. They may misjudge the situation.
Use your mirrors. The dangerous things are the ones you don't see. Often they come from behind. If you must stop at a red traffic light or for a U-turn (avoid this), mirrors are important.
Do not go slow on a fast road. The slower you move, the more fast things can hit you from behind.
Know how to break the law. What foreigners consider misbehaviour, is often quite acceptable for Thais and Thai police: You want to turn left, but there is a long queue on the left lane. Just use the right lane where traffic is smooth, and when you reach the junction, squeeze into the left lane. You won't be the only one to do this, actually all winners do the same. Those who follow the rules and stay on the correct lane are called losers, if I remember right.
Make sure the other people don't get too close to you. In a typical traffic scenario, you are faced with 4 opponents: One to your left, one to your right, one in front and one behind you. If you appear meaner than any one of these 4, they will give you enough space and not do funny things to you.
So how can you appear mean ? Make your vehicle look like it. Put something on the roof that seems to fall down any moment. Signal a left turn and turn right. Make the brake-light flash in the rythm of your music. Use the horn. Keep the lights on all the time. Accelerate quickly and stop abruptly (watching the mirror). Top it up with a stupid smile, and everyone will stay far away from you.
If you are not sure about what's going on, be extra careful. The craziest things happen. Drivers suffer epileptic fits behind the wheel. Others watch TV or have sex. Cars can fall apart just so. Elephants go for a walk on the road. Things drop from the sky. Pick up a newspaper for more ideas. If an unfamiliar situation is ahead, immediately change from aggressive to defensive.
If someone else appears super-aggressive or challenges you to race, go as far as you consider it fun and stay relaxed. Beyond that point, get out of the way. It's just a game, not worth of an accident.
Be sure about the condition of your vehicle. Use no local parts and don't trust your workshop. Check what they have done.
Do not dodge minor obstacles if there's a risk that you hit something real. You wouldn't want to spare a dog's life and collide with a bus, instead. Trust that dogs and bicycles are good at getting off the road.
At night, use the high beam whenever possible: With the high amount of unexpected things that happen on Thai roads, no light is strong enough. Not all elephants have tail lights and reflectors. Never trust the road to be free beyond the point that you can see.
Note that some truck drivers launch small energy-drink bottles at vehicles that blind them.
Expect other vehicles to drive without lights and with blind reflectors. Careful not only on dark roads, but also in multistorey car parks (dark inside, bright sunshine outside, tight space, cars moving with no lights).
Now and then you want to be a nice guy - just like you donate a little money to a temple, once in a while: On a nice Sunday morning, far away from Bangkok, you pull to the side and let faster people pass, you drive at moderate speed, refrain from using the horn and such. Don't make it a habit and become a loser, this is really just for the relaxed Sunday mornings far from Bangkok.
When driving through water, it helps following a bus or truck. These push a lot of the water away (temporarily).
Do never drive a car into water if you don't know how deep it is. You might have to get out and check first.
Avoid driving during Songkran holidays and don't drink & drive.
Stay out of areas where overhead construction work is going on.
Should you get caught by police for a minor mistake that caused no damage, pribe no more than what you would pay at the police office. Currently (yr 2001) this is THB400. If you're lucky, as little as THB50 can save you the trouble of visiting the police office next day. The money is best presented in an unobstrusive cover that looks as if it contained your driver's license.
In case of an accident, the guilty party could try to run away. To prevent this, you are allowed to deflate one tire on the opponent's vehicle.
However, you might WANT to let a guilty guy get away, particularly if he has no insurance and no money: In such a case, following procedures puts him in jail while you still end up with nothing.
A lot of people in Thailand do not have a third party insurance, so it makes sense that you insure your own vehicle and health.

Have fun and good luck.

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